“Our kids should never be more important than our marriage, and they should never be less important”
Our kids should never be more important than our marriage, and they should never be less important. If they’re more important, the little rascals will sense it and use it and drive wedges. If they’re less important, they’ll act out until they are given priority. Family is about the constant, on-going work of finding the […] continued…
“Young Orthodox men and women today come into marriage confused”
Young Orthodox men and women today come into marriage confused. Sexual images pervade their magazines, billboards, and phones informing them of things we never imagined and elevating their curiosity. They are taught to avoid sexual peering, discussion and exploration. They are taught over and over about being shomrei negiah (not touching non-family members of the […] continued…
“…there is no such concept [of “falling in love”] in the haredi world”
…there is no such concept [of “falling in love”] in the haredi world (and in traditional Jewish societies, in both the Ashkenazic and Sephardic worlds, such a notion was hardly found at all). Any love between husband and wife is said to come after marriage, and the biblical support for this concept, repeated in numerous […] continued…
“…I think that having a good sex life is often very much entwined with having a certain level of intimacy in the marriage…”
I want to sort of debunk a myth. I think people assume that, when somebody has an affair, that the marriage was bad or that there was a problem in the marriage. And that’s kind of a complicated idea because, while it’s probably true that if you take couples who have had affairs, for sure, […] continued…
“…I don’t think that the reasons offered by medieval authorities operating in a completely different environment can determine what modern women will regard as “deal-breakers” when it comes to marriage”
Since people’s psychology has changed over the centuries, I don’t think that the reasons offered by medieval authorities operating in a completely different environment can determine what modern women will regard as “deal-breakers” when it comes to marriage. If a modern woman has different expectations of what marriage is than what people had years ago, […] continued…
“Today, half of all married Reform Jews have non-Jewish spouses, and 80 percent of those who married between 2000 and 2013 wed non-Jewish spouses”
Today, half of all married Reform Jews have non-Jewish spouses, and 80 percent of those who married between 2000 and 2013 wed non-Jewish spouses. Concomitantly, the movement has moved away from discouraging intermarriage and has focused on welcoming intermarried families. Uriel Heilman, “Nine Things To Know About Reform Jews”, The Jewish Week (30 October 2015), […] continued…
“Continuity is not an end in itself, but a culture’s purpose is not to be an ephemeral work of performance art”
Marriage in the classical sense is a commitment to sustainability. Continuity is not an end in itself, but a culture’s purpose is not to be an ephemeral work of performance art. When continuity becomes its own justification, opposition to intermarriage is plausibly seen as racism. But it is more than evident that Judaism will not […] continued…
“Dignity is a rather elusive and malleable concept compared with more concrete qualities such as race and sex”
Dignity is a rather elusive and malleable concept compared with more concrete qualities such as race and sex. Which relationships are sufficiently dignified to warrant protection? What about couples who do not wish to marry but cohabitate? What about polyamorous families, who are less accepted by public opinion but are perhaps no less exemplary when […] continued…
“The most frequent dynamic I encounter among straight people, both in pop culture and in couples I know, is that of the annoyed wife and the clueless husband”
The most frequent dynamic I encounter among straight people, both in pop culture and in couples I know, is that of the annoyed wife and the clueless husband. I’ve heard female acquaintances lament — to name just a few examples — how frequently their husbands want sex, how infrequently their husbands want sex, how bad […] continued…
“…those of us who have buried a beloved spouse never stop grieving for our loss”
Among the many popular misconceptions about grief and its trajectory, one that particularly rankles widowed people is the assumption that if you’ve found a new love relationship, you’ve “moved on” from your grief. How very tidy. How very ridiculous. In conversations with hundreds of widows and widowers, I’ve discovered that I’m hardly unique in feeling […] continued…
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